Reasons For Living
by Divinion
Summary: One-Shot/Drabble. After Alvarez, while the celebrations continue Gray has to face the reality of what he's done. Gray x Natsu BrOTP.


**Hi Fairy Tail fans! This story is what happens when you close your eyes, try to sleep and suddenly the muse takes you and won't let you sleep until you write in your phone!**

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"Why aren't you with the rest of them?" Natsu asked, frowning as he walked closer to the lone Ice Maker.

Silence whispered in the wind. Gray did not move for some time, contemplating where he wanted to fall between telling Natsu every reason and ignoring him completely. He gripped onto the railings tightly, feeling his blackened skin freezing against the metal bars. "I didn't feel like it," he said eventually.

Natsu tilted his head to the side, hearing emotion in the devil slayer's voice that slipped uncomfortably against the cold and unfeeling image. "Come on, we won!" Natsu said, his beaming smile wide and filling his words with warming light. "We're celebrating, it doesn't feel right without you there."

Gray frowned, his eyes darkening at the sharp reminder of the friendship that he had come so close to destroying. Part of him wanted to wrap his hands around the dragon slayer's throat and finish what he started. It felt as if the darkness etched across his skin still wanted to finish END. "Natsu…" he began, not able to look him in the eyes and struggling just to turn to face him. He needed to be honest and open and it wasn't something that came easily, even when something that felt so true. "I-I'm sorry. About what happened. I should have…" he gripped the railings behind him tighter, leaning back against them for a cool support. "I should have come to my senses earlier and attacking you was… I'm not proud of it."

Natsu stopped, looking back at his friend. The fight had long since drifted from even the broken fractures of his memories, seeping into an ever growing collection of barroom brawls and exchanged blows. Even he understood their last fight had meant more than that, but within the entire war he had other concerns. "It was both ways," he said, as things always were. The only memory that remained loud and pushing to the forefront of his mind was waking to the dreadful feeling he had hurt his friends, the sour taste against his tongue as he thought of it even now. It was nothing compared to the memories shortly however, however. "Honestly? There's only one thing I want you to apologise for."

Forgetting himself, Gray glanced up into Natsu's. He looked away quickly, shame washing over him. Even averting his gaze couldn't shake the image of the eyes usually filled with light and hope now pinned to him with an oddly serious glaze, the warming glow turning cold at the actions of the ice maker. "I… know," Gray whispered.

The dragon slayer moved forwards, trying to place himself back into the line of sight of Gray. It still wasn't an apology, but that was only a small part of what he needed to hear. It hurt that Gray wasn't giving anything when Natsu had asked so openly for the small piece of humanity. "You're really not going to say anything?"

The ice maker could not pull his words out quick enough to appease the beating in his chest. Everything seemed to slow, pinned by the sudden accusations of a hurting friend. "I'm not going to apologise…" he spoke, knowing they were the opposite words to what Natsu wanted to hear.

"You know I'm getting sick of stopping you getting yourself killed," he said, jaw tightening as he folded his arms across his chest. "Sometimes I think you're more obsessed with dying than living."

There was a nod of understanding from Gray, even if he didn't agree. "You don't need to worry about me, Natsu," he promised, finally gathering the strength to meet his accusing look as the truth pieced together into what he thought Natsu would want to hear. "I have plenty of reasons to live; there are too many people who have risked and lost everything for my life. It isn't something I would lose willingly."

The words brought only the smallest bit of comfort to Natsu, feeling as if he'd heard them before. He'd been convinced before that never again would Gray attempt to trade his life, this time he wasn't falling so easily. "That's why you have to live," he said, his voice low. "What about why you _want_ to live?"

The question caught Gray completely off guard. He had inadvertently let down walls and the dragon slayers words were burying deep inside at an alarming rate. Now he couldn't turn away. "Wh-what?" he stammered, buying himself more time.

"There must be reasons you _want_ to live?" Natsu said, his voice close to breaking. He hoped that his failed sacrifice to save his life wasn't just out of duty. They fought almost every day of their lives but Natsu had been haunted by the memory of slamming Gray into the ground and demanding him to stop the suicide attempt. If he had been so broken by the fear of losing all they had, he could only hope Gray could take the smallest joy from it existing.

"O-of course!" Gray stammered quickly, but quickly frowned. The answer had been so quick on his lips that the truth hid behind shadows. There were many reasons but shielded in the darkness and clouds of his guilt they felt further away than ever. He stayed silent too long, his teeth clenched and the muddled thoughts clear in his eyes.

There was one answer above any, an easy answer that he could fall back on almost as easily as he'd said the confirmation; Fairy Tail. It was so simple that he stopped himself from saying it, however. Natsu would have grinned and believed him and thought that was enough but a small voice in Gray's mind questioned if it _was enough._ On good days it was everything, it was his life and his world. On bad days it was the reason he got up in the morning, the driving force that moved him forwards. But 'Fairy Tail' was just a couple of words. Those words hadn't been enough to stop his Iced Shell; if anything, they pushed him further towards his demise. When he thought of Fairy Tail he thought of those he needed to protect, a family he could be moments away from losing, a lifeline that he needed simply to survive.

It was the people inside Fairy Tail that were those that time and time again pulled him back. It was those just like the dragon slayer, standing in front of him with more bravery against the horrific demon of 'emotions' than he would have needed to face ten thousand dragons. It was his double edged sword, his reason for living and his reason for dying.

Lost in his thoughts, Gray barely noticed his comrades steps forwards until a hand was on his shoulder. He jolted back to life, looking up at Natsu and realising that the same pain in the dragon slayers eyes had deepened. Gray could feel his heart breaking, wanting desperately to scream out 'I'm fine!' if it would stop the darkness spreading from the host to his guild. Before he could open his mouth, however, he saw there was something else there. A faint glimmer of hope never quite faded from Natsu's eyes, battling the darkness and in the briefest moment Gray was certain it was winning. "Let's find them, yeah?" the dragon slayer said with a grin, squeezing Gray's shoulder hard.

Gray's mouth shut slowly, nodding in return and letting Natsu take him back to the celebrations.

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 **Reviews etc are always appreciated! Thanks!**


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